Someone with dough, let’s shake things up. — Yesterday I received an email that “your audience is growing!” Yeah, according to this Medium missive, I gained seventeen new followers, two more email subscribers, and one referral. Huh. So what am I getting from this? My usual kick in the ass. Read on, please. Less than two weeks ago…

Readers with the mental capacity of cane toads — Having been a writer on this platform since November 2018, ergo, for a long time, I still hesitate to call myself an “expert” on how shit works around here, but that said, I’ve learned a hell of a lot. I’ve learned that I’ll be “trending” and that my stories will…

Life is tough, but so are we — I’ve done a lot of public whining lately about how miserable I’ve been for a myriad of reasons. There was a time in my life, under a different persona, when this type of sharing was unimaginable. But these days, I no longer a shit. I have nothing left to tell…

From flour to fireworks — Remember that quaint tune, “Makin’ Whoopee?” No doubt those of you who were born in the Year One, as I was, will recall the song. But, for the young and dumb, think of “makin’ whoopee” as “getting busy,” but in a more wholesome manner. AKA, no penetration. Ergo, it doesn’t…

This may be a massive mistake, but I’m trying the new, “tipping” feature. Don’t hate me for this, but I decided to give it a shot. Hell, I’ve tried everything else. Mainly, before this whole voyage tanks, I want to take advantage of everything Medium currently has to offer because…

Much like the characters, this stinks — Friends, how many times have I bemoaned the sad reality that I’ve written several kickass screenplays over the last twenty years but am still struggling to “make it?” A shit ton. That’s how many. And I thank you for putting up with my rants. To return the favor, I am…

On being afraid to find out — Mouth dry as dust, head throbbing because I was “overserved” the night before, I struggle to wrestle the top off of a bottle of store-brand Pedialyte. The top one-third of the friggin’ bottle is encased in plastic wrap so thick, I have to scrape it with a knife in order…

Can you say “character assassination?” — Do you know what feels like absolute shite? Waking up in the morning to find an email from a friend alerting you to the fact that the turd-compressor commonly known as LinkedIn, or KinkedIn as The Celtic Chameleon so brilliantly coined it, is spying on your private, direct messages. Yes…