Am I so sexually bereft that I don’t know what a “creampie” is? Apparently so, because I just had to look it up.

You probably already know what it is so I won’t bore you with the creamy details. The first thing that came to mind for me, was the pie-screwing scene in “American Pie.” Who can forget that? (Even though, I’d be happy to.)

Here’s something that maybe you smart-asses don't know. There’s something called “splodging,” that has to do with getting off on food. Like, literally. Like, ejaculating in a bowl of Bush’s Beans, literally. Hey, different strokes for different folks.

I learned about this particular fetish in an episode of HBO’s “Real Sex.” Participants were grinding away on layer cakes, orally-pleasuring Oscar Meyer Weiners, covering each other in custard —generally abusing some of our favorite foodstuffs. Apple pie included.

Talk about a “wet spot.”