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I PEE DAILY
How Low Can You Go?
Talk to my toilet.
Isn’t it funny and odd that you can live in a house for years and never notice some of its quirks until they kick you upside the head? Or, the ass?
Many of the homes in our neighborhood, including ours, were built by the same guy. I’m guessing he was vertically challenged, not because our ceilings aren’t very high, as it’s a ranch, after all. But, I’ve recently noticed, since I spend so much time around here when I’m not running errands like stocking up on groceries we can barely afford, that some of our essential utilities fall under the heading “short stuff.”
Maybe I’m imagining things. That happens a lot, lately, My mind takes off on wild flights of fancy, many of them sexual in nature, and I often wonder what’s real as opposed to what my writer’s brain has conjured up. For certain I’m not hallucinating as I haven’t done ‘shrooms or any psychedelics in years. I do have shitty vision, though. I’ll cop to that.
Now, I’m fairly sure I haven’t gotten taller. I’m five feet, six inches, and thankfully, haven’t shrunk in stature, as many of us appear to do as we pack on the years. Just one more indignity on the journey to oblivion. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that while taking a pee, or rather, leaving one, it felt as if I was about two inches off the…
